Screen Time
Parenting in the Digital Age- Interview with Cindy
These days, it is no surprise to see young children with technological gadgets like smartphones and tablets in their hands, engrossed in the games and videos that they are playing and watching. We spoke with parents about their children who are growing up with these technological gadgets.
INTERVIEW WITH CINDY (Mother of 4 children aged between 3 and 12 years old)
Q: Do you let your children use any technological gadgets?
A: Yes, they use my smartphone. The youngest one uses it almost daily for about 2 hours to watch videos like Barney and Friends and Hello Kitty. My three older children will share my phone and use it once or twice a week for about an hour each to play games.
Q: Since the older children share your smartphone, do they fight over it?
Yes. They will tell each other that they have played for a long time and ask to hand over the phone. But, I do take note of the time that each of them has spent on the phone. When time is up, I will ask them to hand it over to their siblings. In cases when they continually quarrel over the phone, I tell them that I will confiscate it if they do not stop.
Q: Can you share more about your children’s behaviours when they use technology?
A: It’s mainly my fourth child who uses the smartphone. She started using such gadgets since she was 1-year-old. Her godmother would let her watch videos on them to keep her occupied. Initially, we had to help her to navigate around the device but now, she knows how to do it herself. If she wants to watch videos, she’s able to find them and play it without our help. I think it’s also because she’s quite used to having the smartphone with her that sometimes, if we don’t give it to her or take it away, she will make noise. I still control her use and just leave her to cry anyway. When kids at this age cry for a while and we parents don’t react, they’ll know that crying will not get them anything.
As for my three other children, they are fine even when I take it away from them. For them, ‘yes’ means ‘yes’ and ‘no’ means ‘no’. I think it’s mainly because they are not exposed to technology as early as their youngest sister, so they are not bothered when they don’t have the smartphone with them.
Q: Do you set any ground rules for your children when it comes to using your smartphone?
A: Yes, I do. It is the rule to always ask me for permission. Firstly, when they want to use the phone, secondly if they want to download anything, and thirdly if they want to access Facebook. The great thing is that I haven’t had any problems enforcing these rules so far.
Q: Why don’t you let them use Facebook?
A: They have Facebook accounts but I feel that they are still too young for it. It can also be a source of bad influence for them. I have actually come across cases of children complaining and talking bad about their parents on Facebook. This is something that I do not encourage because it’s something very personal that kids should never let everybody on the internet know about. In the case of the child who posted inappropriate remarks of her parents, I actually informed the child’s parents about it. As for my children, they are aware of what they say online because I have access to their accounts and they know that I will read them.
Q: Are you aware that users have to be at least 13-years-old to sign up for Facebook accounts?
A: Yes, I am aware of it. I do take steps to ensure their safety on Facebook, especially my daughter’s safety. I’m worried that other teenagers or adults will befriend her on Facebook and she willingly makes friends with them and something happens. That is something I don’t want happening. So, every 2 or 3 months, I will go through my kids’ lists of friends on Facebook to make sure they don’t have anyone strange or suspicious as friends.
I also try to control their exposure to any inappropriate remarks they see on Facebook by their friends from school. If I have met their friends and I find that they are okay, I will allow my kids to keep them on their list of friends on Facebook. If not, I tell my kids to delete them from their lists.
Q: What is your biggest concern about your children becoming attached to technology?
A: The main worry I have would be my youngest daughter’s lack of social communication due to technology. Once she is glued to the phone, she ignores everybody and is only focused on it. I don’t want her to be too attached to the gadget now and not know how to interact with people in the future, especially when she’s still young and not schooling yet. To correct this behaviour, I take away the phone from her and try to bring her for more outdoor activities like badminton, swimming and cycling. If she asks for the phone when we’re out, I try to divert her attention by asking her to observe her surroundings and such.
Q: If you could turn back time, would you introduce these gadgets to your children at their age?
A: No. I find that kids these days somewhat lack social skills because they miss out on the opportunity to interact with others as they are so attached to their devices.
Technology is something that they can learn when they grow older, but social skills is something that needs to be learnt and developed from young.
So, I think it would be better for kids to start using smartphones and tablets only when they turn 7-years-old. But of course, the appropriate age depends on each parent. For me, I feel that it’s not too good to let them use these gadgets early. But, I do know of parents who feel that having the kids use these gadgets when they are 3 or 4 years old is fine and the kids have iPads, specifically for themselves, to watch videos.
Q: What advice would you give to parents with children around the same age as your children who are exposed to technological gadgets?
A: Parents need to be aware of child’s online activities and what their children are talking about with their friends on social networking sites. This is important especially when they are at an age to be easily influenced by peers. As communication between the children takes place in online social networks, they are not only exposed to positive information, but possibly negative ones as well. So, in my case, I actually have my children’s passwords to their Facebook accounts to have a little peep on what they do online.
I think the most appropriate age for children to be granted more freedom and independence online is when they are about 15-years-old. I believe that’s the age when they are better able to gauge what is right and wrong. Of course, that will still take some self-discipline as well.
